Dear Marla.....

So here's what happened!

I had given my piano to Andee and I was delivering it to her house. We were slowly backing the truck up. I was standing on the bumper and I told Jake to come and jump on the bumper with me. The truck was barely moving. I was standing there anyway and he was going to come grab the my hand and get on the truck. You know..Dad thing... His eyes were wide and bright and excited! Anyway, Kerri, his fearbased aunt, starts screaming at me across the yard... All I could make out was that I needed to tell the driver and she was talking to me like I was an idiot...and I snapped. I walked across the yard .... and she's rolling up the window... she's threatening to call the cops. I agreed. She should call the cops. I've been emasculated by her for years and I have bitten my tongue for the last time. So of course she drives off with Abigail, his fearbased mother, Jake goes up stairs crying because now he feels responsible. My friend Don and my ex-brother-in-law Brad are screaming at me...it just wasn't a pretty scene.

So today I decided that I couldn't take the tug of war anymore. Saturday Abigail usurped a decision I made about Jake and I bit my tongue. It was like my mother talking to me. Although my mom would have never talked to me like that. I have bitten my tongue with her and Kerri as long as I intend to.

So this morning when I was praying about it I saw a picture of the women with the one child in Solomon's court and I realized that we are about to or rather I am about to tear the children apart. The only way to resolve this at this point is to let go. She wins. She will never see it my way nor me hers. I have given her everything in the hopes that she would consider me or her heart would change but it hasn't. I have absolutely no control in my children's life and no say about anything. She of all people should know what it's like to be out of control.

I'm the one who is at fault here. I'm sure I am. I just don't know what else to do. I am destroying my children and the only way I know other than fighting her tooth and nail is to turn the other cheek.

She's going to serve me a 30 day restraining order against the kids!!!! I can't live like that walking on egg shells around her and wondering did I say the right thing or do the right thing or make the right choice or show up at the right moment or answer her questions right or do exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. No! I can't and I doubt many people could. Just imagine if you will that every, EVERY choice that you made regarding your children was in a fishbowl and up for scrutiny from Jerry and he likes you! Imagine it's...who's somebody who doesn't like you....you fill in the blank... you make a wrong choice or a right choice in your eyes and BAM! you could be served papers the next day at work!!!!!! Or the threat of losing them all together! I made a bad choice Sunday in someone's eyes and in the name of protecting my children I can't see them for 30 days. I would be curious to see how you or anyone else would handle it.

So there you go. That's what happened and that's where I am. Exasperated, confused, insecure and guilty and whatever else you can think of. Do I sound bitter?

Exasperated-ly,

Jeff