Gauntlet Laid!

There come's a point in any situation where you can't go another step. An epiphany! Or a "pig pen moment" to coin a phrase. But whatever you call it, you come to yourself with such dramatic awakening that you can't or won't proceed another iota! That's the point I have reached in the never ending game my ex-wife and I call Tug-of-Ideal Parent Decisions for the Children-War! It's been riveting and spectacular! Each of us defending our cause and our territory with stealth like command. Both of us standing in our towers of righteousness gripping our flags with our bloody hands. The strawn bodies of casualties lying at our feet. Three to be exact. Our children!

So in that moment of awakening, I had to make a decision. The scene that came racing into my mind was set in Solomon's court! Old Testament! Two women screaming over one baby and a soldier with a sword. My heart went cold. I don't know which woman I was but I knew at that moment, the only way to win was to let go. Noble? Not really. Selfless? Hardly. But I knew that the outcome of our desperate game was going to be something that neither of us wanted and I had the opportunity to set things right. Or did I?

So I sent a text to my wife. Strong and manly, no? And requested a meeting. With sheilds at the ready she confessed that she had already launched a counter attack by issuing a restraining order against me! I was undaunted. I pressed on. Let's meet for drinks. She was still apprehensive. She was ready for a fight but willing to succeed with the stipulations that our "calm" ex-brother-in-law would be the mediator. Pouncing on the opportunity, I agreed and set the time but she set the location. It would be neutral. Switzerland, if you will, being my brother-in-law's house. And with that the tribunal was set.

I was there early. She arrived with a opened bottle of wine in tow which in hindsight was to my advantage. Wine poured. Sofa positions established, I began the summit. You could see as I began to pontificate my ex-wife began to relax. The results of the peace talks were astonishing.

My first statement in my address went something like this..."I give." Eloquent I admit but powerful beyond expectation! I went on to say how I couldn't go on anymore. That we were destroying the children and that I was leaving. She won! The white flag was being flown! It was these words that broke whatever it was between us. We spent the next two hours crying, laughing, crying, kissing, and crying some more. My confessions and repentance was met with acceptance and grace. It was one of the most powerful times we have ever had in our marriage. And like it or not, we're still married. We may have papers that state the contrary but in our hearts we are still connected in a way that we don't know what to do with.

The peace summit was successful. Successful in ways I could have never imagined. So now the wound has been lanced. The outcome is still yet to be determined but the good news is the game is over and the rope in our elaborate tug of war has been laid down.

I think our kids are going to start breathing again.

Dear Marla.....

So here's what happened!

I had given my piano to Andee and I was delivering it to her house. We were slowly backing the truck up. I was standing on the bumper and I told Jake to come and jump on the bumper with me. The truck was barely moving. I was standing there anyway and he was going to come grab the my hand and get on the truck. You know..Dad thing... His eyes were wide and bright and excited! Anyway, Kerri, his fearbased aunt, starts screaming at me across the yard... All I could make out was that I needed to tell the driver and she was talking to me like I was an idiot...and I snapped. I walked across the yard .... and she's rolling up the window... she's threatening to call the cops. I agreed. She should call the cops. I've been emasculated by her for years and I have bitten my tongue for the last time. So of course she drives off with Abigail, his fearbased mother, Jake goes up stairs crying because now he feels responsible. My friend Don and my ex-brother-in-law Brad are screaming at me...it just wasn't a pretty scene.

So today I decided that I couldn't take the tug of war anymore. Saturday Abigail usurped a decision I made about Jake and I bit my tongue. It was like my mother talking to me. Although my mom would have never talked to me like that. I have bitten my tongue with her and Kerri as long as I intend to.

So this morning when I was praying about it I saw a picture of the women with the one child in Solomon's court and I realized that we are about to or rather I am about to tear the children apart. The only way to resolve this at this point is to let go. She wins. She will never see it my way nor me hers. I have given her everything in the hopes that she would consider me or her heart would change but it hasn't. I have absolutely no control in my children's life and no say about anything. She of all people should know what it's like to be out of control.

I'm the one who is at fault here. I'm sure I am. I just don't know what else to do. I am destroying my children and the only way I know other than fighting her tooth and nail is to turn the other cheek.

She's going to serve me a 30 day restraining order against the kids!!!! I can't live like that walking on egg shells around her and wondering did I say the right thing or do the right thing or make the right choice or show up at the right moment or answer her questions right or do exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. No! I can't and I doubt many people could. Just imagine if you will that every, EVERY choice that you made regarding your children was in a fishbowl and up for scrutiny from Jerry and he likes you! Imagine it's...who's somebody who doesn't like you....you fill in the blank... you make a wrong choice or a right choice in your eyes and BAM! you could be served papers the next day at work!!!!!! Or the threat of losing them all together! I made a bad choice Sunday in someone's eyes and in the name of protecting my children I can't see them for 30 days. I would be curious to see how you or anyone else would handle it.

So there you go. That's what happened and that's where I am. Exasperated, confused, insecure and guilty and whatever else you can think of. Do I sound bitter?

Exasperated-ly,

Jeff

Me, Picture of